Pamela Flatbush never wanted to be a superhuman killing machine, nor did she ever imagine that she would one day be serving her country as a federal agent working undercover in some of the most dangerous regions in the world. But Lady Fate always gets her way, and Pamela’s destiny –- as she eventually came to accept -- was to save America and, ultimately, the entire world, from terrorists and other evildoers who threatened to destroy it and everything she believed in.
This is the story of Pamela Flatbush, one woman’s epic saga.
Origins
After enduring a tragic, near-fatal mishap wherein balloons loaded with high-grade heroin she had been smuggling inside her special place ruptured, Pamela risked blowing her cover as an undercover federal agent working with the DEA and CIA to infiltrate one of South America’s most notorious drug cartels. Her reproductive system was destroyed, her lovely lady parts in ruins, her career over. As a marked woman, she didn’t fear death. But nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to become.
“We can rebuild it! Faster. Stronger. Tighter.”
Such was the determination of NASA’s top team of engineers after carefully examining the tattered remains of Pamela’s reproductive system. Pamela, it was decided, would provide the host body for the government’s latest super-secret weapons program, a revolutionary cybernetics operation known only by its codename: Bionic T.W.A.T.™
Loosely modeled after K.I.T.T. (Knight Industries Two Thousand), the talking car from TV's Knight Rider series, the Bionic T.W.A.T. is a revolutionary prosthetic device that is protected by the indestructible metallic substance known as Cuntonium, a mysterious element only recently discovered during a secret rover mission to the distant planet Vulva. The space-age material houses the Bionic T.W.A.T.'s vast network of internal circuits in a protective Cuntonium alloy shield that is impregnable. Like the television series’ famed black Trans Am, C.L.I.T.T. (Cybernetic Labial Implant Three Thousand) also features the voice of William Daniels, a red scanner running vertically, and myriad other nifty crime-fighting capabilities. Quite frankly, there is nothing that the Bionic T.W.A.T. can’t do!
Now armed with the world’s most powerful anti-terror weapon (T.W.A.T. = The War Against Terror!), Pamela’s missions are initially coordinated through a command center at the National Intelligence Program for Planetary Security (N.I.P.P.S.). Her unprecedented arsenal of vaginal weaponry soon helps rid the world of its most notorious evildoers and ushers in a new era of peace, security and world order.
That is, until the government that created it becomes increasingly more paranoid and delusional. Fearing that the Bionic T.W.A.T. has become too powerful and autonomous, a renegade gaggle of extremist lawmakers eventually succeed in manipulating their less morally reprehensible colleagues and the American people with cooked intelligence reports, illegal spying and taxpayer-funded propaganda. This vast right wing cuntspiracy ultimately convinces the world that such a fierce Weapon of Mass Destruction can no longer be safely controlled and must now be disarmed –- or be destroyed.
Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of any component of this magnificent site, in whole or in part, is a gross violation of applicable federal copyright laws and international copyright treaties. Not to mention just plain rude.
Sponsored by Akbar's Camel Toe Rotisserie, Bait Shack & Offshore Tax Shelters.
